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Man's Mouth - God's voice

February 23, 2019

Last night before going to bed I had a melt-down.  I am dealing with so many stressors.  I feel so alone at times.  I am rushing down a river in a canoe.  I hear the wild rapids ahead and I see that  the rocks that can destroy me are becoming increasingly more numerous and ominous, and I am alone in a two-person canoe trying to keep it under control.   At the end of the day yesterday it all came crashing down on me.  I lost it.  “Where are you, God?   You say you love me.  I am not feeling it.  If you love me let me feel that you do.” I sobbingly said in a loud voice.  I went to bed with no resolution to my loneliness, my fear, my feelings of helplessness.

This morning when I awakened, the first thing I did was check my e-mail.  In it I found a notice that Dick Pellek had commented on one of the many memoir stories I have posted on Legacy Stories website over the past ten years.  Since I have not written a story for quite some time, I was curious as to what story Dick had read and why now.  I found that he had commented on a memoir that I submitted several years ago. His comment was:

“You must know that inspiration comes to me when I go searching for it. Not unexpectedly, your stories are inspirational, Don. And that is why I read them more than once. Tom Cormier inspires me, too.  Some people just have that spark.”
 
The story he had re-read told of a time many years ago when I was in the late stages of my doctoral studies and was taking a class in which I was floundering desperately; feeling totally unable to comprehend.  I knew that if I made anything less than a “C” it would be the end of my doctoral program.  All my previous work would count for nothing. In desperation I made an appointment with the professor, Dr. John T. Roscoe to discuss my plight.  I asked him with tearful eyes that I couldn’t hide, what could I do?  I simply could not comprehend the material.”  

Dr. Roscoe looked at me as if he were sizing me up, then said,

“Mr. Carriker, if you have never had a course that has taken your measure then you’ve been deprived.” 

He went on to tell me that he knew I was struggling, but that I was also genuinely trying to understand the coursework.  He ended by saying,

“Keep on doing your best.  Keep trying and I will not hurt you.”

The meaning of that remark was clear, it needed no elaboration.  He would not destroy my hopes and dream if I did my part and trusted him.

My thought went back immediately to what I had said to God before going to bed and  I knew that God had just spoken to me through the long-ago words of  man I respected and in a Christian sense, loved.  God was saying,

“I do love you.  I know what is happening in your life and I know your difficulties.  Keep on doing your best.  Keep trying and I will not hurt you.” 

Skeptics will deride those thoughts of mine.  But it stretches credulity to think that Dick Pellek just happened to read that old story yesterday and with his comment bring me back to those words that buoyed me up so long ago. I know that the stressors pressing down on me are not going to be lessened anytime soon.  

But as they weigh down on me, please God, help me remember those words you borrowed from Dr. John T. Roscoe.

 “Keep on doing your best.  Keep trying and I will not hurt you.”

 

COMMENTARY:  And that is the "Why?" part of my question as to why did DIck Pelllek read that particular story and why at this particular moment in my life.  This is the second time in my life that I believe God used another person as his voice to speak to me.  Dick, you didn't "choose" that story.  You were "sent" to it by the will of God.  

My stressors come from the fact that my wife fell on November 24 and fractured her C2 vertebrae plus other serious injuries.  The fracture is not healing.  She has been wearing a very uncomfortable cervical collar since the accident and it may be that she will have to wear it the rest of her life.  She is in a nursing home and I am, frankly, scrambling to find the funds to keep her there and provide  what she needs.  This past Thursday night she came down with intestinal flu which is making its rounds in our community.  Imagine the difficulty of vomiting while wearing a device that prevents you from lowering your chin, and the fear you feel because you know you must hold your head as immobile as possible.

  When I left her yesterday evening my emotions were as raw as a newly-scraped knee.  I finally, as I wrote above, just fell apart for several minutes in the privacy of my home.  I am a Christian.  I want a strong faith.  I want to trust God and His will.  But there are times . . .      Thank you God.  Thank you, DIck Pellek, you were blessed to serve as God's voice for a particular purpose at this particular time.

Tagged in: God Inspiration miracles
I grew up in Caney KS (Pop. 2500) during WWII. During those years the world was groaning and exulting, like a woman in childbirth: That world had little time to spend nurturing children. We grew like flowers in an untended garden. "The War" consumed everyone's complete attention. As we grew we watched the world we had known die and be replaced by a strange new world. My writers genes caused me to observe and remember those days. Later, they led me to write these stories. They are true.

Comments

  • Dick Pellek
    Dick Pellek Monday, 25 February 2019

    Of course, I read your latest story, Don. New stories is one of the first places I go to read, to learn, and to be inspired. Our little community has people with many of the same desires and objectives. Your stories are among the best because you put your soul into your words.

    May your anguish pass quickly and may the sunrise on a brighter day tomorrow.

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